When a friend is facing difficulties with conception, well-meaning comments can sometimes do more harm than good. Experts and counselors emphasize the importance of empathy, sensitivity, and restraint when discussing fertility struggles.
Common Phrases to Avoid
- “Just relax, it will happen.”
While intended to reduce stress, this can make a friend feel blamed or misunderstood. Fertility challenges are rarely solved by simply “relaxing,” and such statements can feel dismissive of their emotional pain. - “At least you have your health/other kids.”
Comparisons can minimize their struggle. Even if they have other blessings, their current grief and frustration are real and valid. - “You’ll get pregnant when the time is right.”
Timing statements can inadvertently imply that the friend is not doing enough or that it’s their fault that conception hasn’t occurred. - “Have you tried [specific remedy]?”
Offering unsolicited advice about diets, treatments, or alternative therapies can feel intrusive or judgmental, especially if the friend has already explored these options. - “It’s probably for the best that you don’t have kids yet.”
Comments suggesting that their struggle is somehow protective or purposeful can be deeply hurtful.
What to Say Instead
- “I’m here for you.” Simple support can be the most comforting.
- “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I care about you.” Acknowledging their struggle without judgment validates their feelings.
- “Would you like to talk or would you prefer some company?” Offering options respects their emotional space.
Fertility struggles are often accompanied by feelings of isolation, anxiety, and grief. Experts stress that friends and family should listen, offer support without judgment, and avoid platitudes or unsolicited advice. A thoughtful approach can help a struggling friend feel seen, understood, and less alone in their journey.
